Walhalla Big Pigs, 4; Palmetto State Trees, 0. Walhalla mini-pigs, 7; saplings, 1.

Now for the fun stuff. (And please understand, everything written in the soccer entries is all in good fun.) But before I begin, everyone who reads this blog should know that the entry below is something that Coach Estes would echo whole-heartedly. More than making all of our young men into great soccer players, his primary concern is that each of these fine kids be molded into fine young men who display sportsmanship at all costs, and class in the face of classlessness. Don't get me wrong, he is a raving, soccer-loving lunatic who wears his old cleats he wore in college to bed on game nights (he's in denial about this) even though he is far past his good old playin' days (This drives poor Laura crazy, as you would imagine. So she began hiding them to save herself from the bruises to her feet she would get from Mikes studs in the middle of the night. But because Mike would then howl at the moon without his cleats, she has since given them back, sacrificing her delicate feet for the sleep she must have to be able to deal with Thad and his shenanigans on a daily basis.). But he is more interested in character, than merely winning soccer matches.

In the Razorbacks first game of the evening, the young JV team put on a dazzling display of ball movement and finishing prowess as they completely dismantled a game and ready Palmetto club, who had come to "the beach" with their sand-pails in hand and their surf boards waxed. No one told them that we didn't actually have any waves, or even any water, so I think the disappointment they felt sort of threw them off for the first 15 minutes or so, during which time young Ovi Espino, or "the Latin Assassin," as he is known in these parts notched a hat trick with some beautiful finishes in front of the goal on balls played across the six by our wings who were in top form all game long. We also got goals from Cristian "the matador" Romero and Steven "Stayin' Alive" Lopez who discoed his way into the box to Andy Gibb his first goal of the season home in thrilling, falsetto fashion. If only he could have been wearing his white tie and dancing shoes. Congratulations to Steven for putting one in as reward for all the shots he has prevented from going in to our own goal. It was great to see everyone on the team get significant playing time. You all played well and the work you have put into your game this season showed Monday night. Good job.

One moment now while I replace my short, contemplative, "boy band" chin strap beard with one more suited to the subject now at hand. I like to call it my deep probing, contextualizing, searching for the key to all that exists (which we know partly to simply be "utilization") beard. A serious beard deserves a very long title like Coach Estes' official, though truncated title - Chief Hog in charge of soccer operations which include administrating, coaching, yelling when necessary, keeping little Napoleanito at a manageable size and monitoring his antics by minimizing the amount of profiteering that he is allowed to do on road trips, keeping track, which includes sorting, color-coding, washing, conditioning and combing, Coach Steele's plethora of splendid beards, head carpenter, janitor, bottle-washer and chairman of the board. The plaque on his desk cost him $422.34, and it would have been more if he would have given them the extended title which is actually too long to reproduce in it's entirety at this juncture. Bless his little heart.

Anywho, "the beach," Monday night, after being set on fire by the mini-pigs, provided the perfect setting for Hogs vs. State Trees II, the first match being a knock down drag out that Walhalla came back from a 3-1 deficit, Joe Frazier style, to win 4-3, despite having the tip of its collective ear bitten off and surviving a barrage of rabbit punches in the effort. Walhalla needed the win to seal away the conference title and continue to forge a new legacy of excellence and well, downright wonderfulness. The Pigs were resplendent in their white uniforms as they took the field with little napoleanito side-saddled on a white steed...hold on, sorry, that's what we had planned, but the steed couldn't make it on account of his getting into some of his handler's Viagra 4 hours before the match. After all we do have young children in the audience. So we had to scratch that, but we still looked marvelous nonetheless. The hogs mostly played cat and mouse the first half but managed a Daniel Van der Ginn goal on a beautiful cross played in by Hong Kong Phooey Flores who would assist Daniel again in the second half.

The hogs came out of the locker room to start the second half in full throat and lit up with desire to show the fans what they could really do. I would describe our play as Tasmanian devil on Valium, wild and ferocious, yet a controlled sort of ferociousness. If a guitar amp goes all the way to 10, we were 11 (that's for all you Spinal Tap aficionados out there). The next 40 minutes we seriously threw the kitchen sink at them. I distinctly recall number 100 getting hit with a runaway strainer right in the forehead. The purple pigs were able to notch 3 more tallies with goals from Eric "Moxie" Moxley, assisted by an incredible, lofted through-ball from "The Rock" or as I like to call him now, "Sisoko Jr. (of Juventus)" Martinez, Van der Ginn and The Flying Tostada off a Jose Arquiza assist. Walhalla consistently got numbers around the ball and found wings who made great penetrating runs all night. Defensively, we transitioned well and consistently got 1st, 2nd and 3rd defenders around Palmetto's skilled attacker and midfielders, ultimately stultifying and stymieing any semblance of an attack they tried to mount. Coach Estes said to the team after the game that they had come of age and were now primed to make a serious run into the play-offs.

The hogs certainly are chomping at the bit, but for the next two nights, just how much progress they have made will be tested as they go up against powerhouses Christ Church, who beat us 6-0 at home, and Southside Christian who beat us 4-2 respectively. We play Christ Church tonight at 7:00 after the varsity girls at their place, and Southside tomorrow night at 7:00 at "the beach." Don your purple and come on out to cheer your purple pigs to victory.

j