Walhalla, infinity; Crescent, 0

As I sat down in my favorite chair in front of my incredibly huge hearth still baring the stockings from Christmas upon its mantle, donned my silk smoking jacket, took off my working beard, which smelled like a chicken truck accented with subtle hints of whopper w/cheese aroma, and replaced it with my thinking beard and loaded my bubble pipe full of bubblegum scented bubble liquid, I became suddenly aware that I really am a strange little man with some very odd idiosyncrasies. After all, I had spent the evening with a bus load of high school students on a trip out into the wilds of Starr-Iva for a side-line tournament, amongst ourselves, of the ancient sport of Styro-pong (I also have a shoe fettish and enjoy dressing like a hobo). Why we went to Starr-Iva to play Styro-pong when we've got a perfectly good court right here in Walhalla still eludes me but they were very nice to invite us to their football/football field and in a show of celebration of our craft, and as a sign of respect, they wore beautiful, numbered golden tunics. They even ran around on the field in strange and indecipherable patterns trying to kick a small white orb they called a soccer ball, which absolutely amazed and bedazzled our JV team and sent them into a howling, frenzy.

Up until last week we actually had no idea what in the world Styro-pong even was. So we sent the enterprising Hiraldo "Napoleonito" Vivaldo (he makes 20 bucks every trip asking everyone for spare change which he then puts in the bottom of his shoe which then jingles merrily when he walks) and Alex "the Wizard" Cruz, who won the juggling from your derriere competion last night, on an expedition into the high country of Tibet to discover just what the secret to this ancient sport was. They returned with two Styro-foam cups, a suitcase full of Mongolian spare change and grinch-like smiles smeared out on their little faces. They seemed to be enveloped in an ethereal light and able to move as if not moving. We set up a small table for them. They each walked to opposite sides, bowed to each other out of respect and then proceeded to blow our minds with the most wicked display of dexterity, speed and skill we had ever seen. We saw their dexterity, speed and skill but we couldn't see the ball. They were hitting it so fast that the ball must have reached a state of nirvana and went invisible. Only the sound of it hitting the Styro-paddles could be heard. We became addicted to the beauty of their movements and the rythm of the pong. Then they solemnly told us, that the secret of Styro-pong is the secret to the key to all that exists and that the only way to find the secret is to play the pong. And we have been playing ever since, for our sport is not so much about competition and victory, it is about a quest for knowledge.

In a side note, the Starr-Ivanites (no relation to the extremely right-footed Ivan Hoe) challenged us and our JV boys to a friendly game of whatever they were doing out there. We found it extremely exhilerating and actually ended up winning both games by a total of infinity to zero. It was a blast and we are extremely grateful to the Starr-Ivanites for their generous hospitality and for so graciously letting us cream them at their own strange game.

We will resume our quest tonight for the elusive secret to the key to all that exists at 5:30 for the JV team and 7:00 for the Varsity. The Pendletonites of Pendleton high school will be there to support our quest. We hope you'll make it too.

J